Célia* just doesn't know what to do. At 25, she's never had sex and doesn't intend to start until she's sure she's found the man of her life. That's why she's decided to wait until she's married to take that step. It's a choice she's finding less and less difficult to accept, not least because of the looks she gets from men who refuse to have a relationship with her for this very reason.
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So much so that the young woman is now wondering whether she is 'normal'. So she decided to put out a call for help, in a column in the British magazine The Guardian. Readers can send their problems to psychotherapist Pamela Stephenson Connolly, who specializes in sexual disorders. And when confronted with this young woman's testimony, the practitioner had no shortage of kind advice to offer.
'I've shown my love in every way except sex'
Célia* confides to The Guardian:
I've always wanted to wait for marriage. I had two short-term boyfriends, but the relationships never went any further because I wanted to wait. I explained to them that I found them very attractive and that I liked hugs and kisses, but neither of them was satisfied with that.
The young woman explains that these men quickly became distant, and mistakenly thought she wasn't really interested.
I really liked them.
A situation that's becoming difficult.
I've shown my love in every way possible, apart from sex. I'm sad and frustrated that I can't meet a man who accepts me. The answer to my desire to wait is always rejection. Is my behavior normal? I'd like to meet a kind man who loves me whether we make love or not, and who doesn't put pressure on me to 'perform'.
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The psychotherapist's response
Faced with the distress of this testimonial, Pamela Stephenson Connolly was keen to reassure.
There are many people in the world who have the same values about premarital sex as you do, but you'll have to look for them in the places where you're most likely to find them.
If you continue to expect men to generally comply with your wish to wait, you're bound to be disappointed (...) Broaden your search for like-minded partners. If your values are based on your religion, beliefs or culture, it would be wise to look for men belonging to those particular groups or circles.
Finally, the practitioner advised Celia* to 'define the parameters of her needs', and above all what she was prepared to do or not do, before and after the wedding. An advice that applies to everyone!
* the first name has been changed.
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This article has been translated from Oh!MyMag FR.
Source used:
The Guardian
