Most people have heard about love language but not apology language. Apology language is a thing and it is real. It shows how you tell or show a person you’re sorry. This system was researched and developed by counsellor Gary Chapman and psychologist Jennifer Thomas to provide different approaches to apologising.
While you may be inclined towards a particular apology type, it is possible to have multiple. Getting to know your apology language would help you maintain better relationships. Often your type of produced or desired apology varies from situation to situation and person to person.
The first type of apology language is simply an act of saying ‘I’m Sorry!’ It may sound obvious but, not everyone can apologise as easily as you would think. This type of apology includes showing remorse and listing the hurtful effects of your actions. Although, apologising just because you are caught does not count.
It is easier to say ‘You’re right’ than ‘I’m wrong.’ This type of apology is where the person is apologising and owning up to what they did. Meaning someone earnestly admitting they were wrong to do what they did. If you do not like hearing excuses, this is your apology language.
The third type of apology includes finding a solution to make it up to the other person. This is where you want the person to take the lead in the situation. People usually use this type when something is lost or broken and they offer to pay for it. It could also be a type to follow in grave situations when you are ready to correct the problem.
This is probably the best type of apology as it comes with improved behaviour. In this type, saying sorry is not enough, the person should have a sincere drive to do better and engage in problem-solving. Genuinely repenting basically screams ‘actions over words.’ The culprit provides assurance that the mistake would not be repeated and prove it with their changed behaviour.
This type allows a person to process their hurt before jumping onto assumptions that everything is back to normal. Asking for forgiveness places the power back in the hand of the hurt party. Usually, this type of apology does not provide ready reconciliation and gives space to both parties to think things through.