This is a concept that has been around for decades and which more and more people are getting on board with every day. In a time when romantic attachments and connections form just as quickly as they can disappear, it’s not surprising that the idea of ‘friends with benefits’ has become quite popular recently.
Having a ‘friend with benefits’ or a ‘fuck buddy’ involves having regular sex with someone of your choice without needing to deal with all the ‘downsides' associated with being in a relationship. The enticing promise of sharing in carnal pleasures without any kind of emotional commitment or attachment. Ah, if only it were that simple!
People get attached
Because for everyone involved, there have to be feelings there on some level for this kind of relationship to begin. You might not notice them at first, but they will always come back around to bite you a few weeks, months, maybe even years later.
In fact, when you have sex with a friend that you’re attracted to, some kind of connection forms between the two of you and this is all down to a little forgotten gland in the brain known as the hypothalamus. This gland is responsible for regulating your sex drive but it also secretes oxytocin, also known as… the love hormone.
And guess when the production of these hormones is at its maximum? When you orgasm. Regular sex, pleasure, oxytocin, attachment… Understand? At the end of the day, the reasons behind this connection are actually a lot more scientific than romantic, but this love chemical also has consequences.
It can poison us
This is actually one of the biggest dangers of being ‘friends with benefits’. At least one of the two people involved ends up getting attached and starts to develop feelings for the other person. This is commonly referred to as ‘the beginning of the end’. The moment in which those involved in this romance 2.0 have to make a choice. End it for the good of everyone involved or try to renew their agreement with the addition of some new clauses… like a commitment and fidelity for example.
As a result, this is sort of like the ‘expiry date’ of their casual sex exploits. From the moment one person starts to cling to the other, the initial advantages can quickly turn into disadvantages the next day. That is, if the two people aren’t on the same wavelength, of course.
A bad good idea?
Although most ‘friends with benefits’ relationships do eventually come to an end, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they aren’t a good idea, in fact, far from it. In fact, if it only lasts the space of a few weeks or a few months, any adventure is a good adventure. Especially for those who are looking for a middle ground between the spontaneity of being friends with benefits and the security of a more serious relationship.
This type of agreement is perfect for some people but less so for others. To keep yourself safe, all you have to do is establish the boundaries and the rules as soon as the relationship begins so that everyone can benefit and no one gets too hurt. Sex, friends… and romance, why not? But bear in mind, one of the most important rules is to always communicate with each other.